Turning the tables
by Mcbenzy
Summary: Tony underestimates Pepper's ability to turn his words against him and beat him at his own game. Pepperony.
1. Chapter 1

A/N – Don't know where this came from. My first attempt at something resembling humour. I'm considering making this multi-chapter. Let me know if you want it to continue... Reading is great, reviewing is greater, especially if it's constructive criticism...

T-rating to be safe. Will prob stay in the K+ range really.

Oh and for anyone wondering, I'm not lying about the readers' poll and the results.

Disclaimer: not mine, not mine, and, not mine...

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5... 4... 3... 2... 1

"Pepper!" Tony's voice boomed from upstairs.

It was right on cue. She reached across the sofa and grabbed a cushion, burying her face in it to stifle her giggles and cover the huge smirk. She knew she had about 15 seconds before he appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. He bounded down the steps just as she had anticipated. She schooled her face into impassivity and waited.

"What is THIS?" He shoved the offending object towards her, shaking it slightly for effect.

"That would be your costume for tonight, Mr Stark."

"And I reiterate: what is this? Is this some sort of joke?"

"It is not a joke, it is exactly what you asked for."

He looked at the suit, then back at Pepper, then at the suit again. He eyed the tailored waistcoat, the breeches, the cravat, the neckerchief and, oh god, and the stockings.

"How is _this_ what I asked for? I remember specifically asking..."

"To be dressed as the sexiest man in literature." She finished for him. "I didn't forget, Tony. I believe you reminded me daily for a week after receiving the invitation."

"Potts! You are avoiding the question!"

It was rare that Pepper was able to turn the tables on Tony, and so she took great delight in this moment. She took in the slit eyes, flaring nostrils, slight tremor of his muscles and, best of all, the exasperated tone.

"You can't work it out? I thought it was obvious." She said matter-of-factly and raised one eyebrow. She thought that perhaps she should have been an actress given the performance she was putting on. She wanted nothing more than to fall about in fits of laughter. But that would have ruined the plan, and currently the plan was working perfectly.

"How on Earth are these the clothes of the sexiest man in literature? Are these the clothes of Casanova?"

"No."

"James Bond?"

"No."

"Then who? Because I'm all out of possibilities." He said, completely flustered.

"Mr Darcy."

"The ponce from '_Pride and Prejudice_'? How is _he _the sexiest man in literature?"

"_If you'll permit me, Sir, Miss Potts is indeed correct in her choice of costume for you this evening."_ Jarvis cut in making Tony wary. "_He was voted the fictional character women would most like to date in several different polls."_

"Jarvis, did Miss Potts put you up to this?"

"_I assure you she did not, Sir. I independently checked the information and have a number of articles and a few dissertations from reputable sources which all..."_

"MUTE!"

Tony couldn't move. He felt like he was being tricked and did not want to play along.

"I am NOT wearing this."

"Fine. We don't have to go. I'll cancel shall I?"

"No, no, no. Don't cancel!" It had taken him months to get her to agree to go to a function with him and would be damned if he let this opportunity go without a fight. "I just don't want to wear this, Pepper. I mean, look at it! It's, it's... It's not me. And I doubt it will fit."

He was clutching at straws. He knew it, Pepper knew it.

"Your tailor guaranteed that it would fit. As for it not being 'you': he is rich, you are rich; he has an amazing house, you have an amazing house; he has women chase after him, you have women chase after you. I think that is enough. Besides, where's the fun in going as someone too like yourself?"

There was only one thing left for him to try.

"Fine, well if I don't like _your_ costume, I'm going to change into my 'other' suit."

Pepper had only agreed to go with him under the proviso that she got to choose their outfits. He'd jumped at the proposal, his only demand being that if he went as the sexiest man in literature, she had to go as the sexiest woman.

"OK."

"OK?"

"Yes. Now if you don't mind, I want to go finish up a few things and get ready. Happy will be here in two hours, and I'm assuming you will need all of that time to get dressed."

She had him. Tony gave her one last look before turning and heading back to his bedroom. When she knew he was no longer coming back, she let her poker face crack. The fun was only beginning. She was looking forward to this evening, had been since the moment he'd proposed it. Her costume was going to be equally tortuous, but not for her. One of the wonderful things about working for Tony was that no one had batted an eyelid when she'd ordered it. There was no way Tony would be going as Ironman.

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Pepper had been right. The clothes fitted perfectly, and they were taking forever to put on. He'd followed the instructions his tailor had thoughtfully included, though they hadn't made it much easier. There was a reason people had needed servants back then he surmised.

"Jarvis. Can you find a video demonstration of how to tie a neckerchief?"

"Of course, Sir."

"And while you're at it, can you tell me what makes Mr Darcy so desirable? 'Cos frankly," he glanced down at the stockings and breeches, "I don't get it."

"I believe the reasons are many, and varied, Sir. One theory I have formed is that women like the brooding, strong, silent type."

"Humph. Strong I can do. Brooding and silent? Not on your life Potts. Jarvis, is there any indication that Pepper desires him?"

"Miss Potts has a copy of the novel in her desk, Sir, and she has watched the mini-series multiple times."

Tony finished tying the neckerchief and stood back, admiring himself in the mirror. It wasn't too bad, in fact he did look rather dashing he had to admit, much to his chagrin. He still felt uneasy about Pepper getting the better of him; he wanted to wrest back control of the situation. If she held even the slightest fantasy about this character, he was going to play on it for all it was worth.

"Jarvis. Bring up some images of this Darcy fellow. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this perfectly."

Several images appeared. The hair he could do. Sideburns? He had some glue-on ones somewhere from when he wanted to go out incognito. Clean shaven?

"Oh well, here it goes." He muttered as he wandered back into his bathroom.

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Slip. Slip. Slip. He was on time she noted.

"Slippers Pepper? You couldn't have made one concession to the costume gods and let me wear proper shoes?"

He looked around the living room but didn't see her. Pulling at the jacket trying to will it to be just a tad longer, he wandered towards the kitchen.

" I know you're a perfectionist, Pep, but..." He trailed off as he saw something delightful come into view and a lustful grin tugged at his mouth.

There were a pair of very high heeled patent black leather stilettos on top of the counter. As he rounded the corner, he saw more black leather creeping up long legs.

"Geez Pep, those are some shoes even..." He stopped dead.

She wasn't just wearing patent leather knee high boots. Oh no, the leather didn't stop there. It didn't stop anywhere. It covered her from head to toe. Reclining on his kitchen counter was...

"Miaow." She said, and speared a grape with one claw ended finger then sucked it clean off.

The grin that had been forming had morphed into shock. He was standing in his kitchen in the most ridiculous clothes he'd ever worn – ever! – while she was poured into the sexiest outfit he'd ever seen. It was absolutely faultless, from the ears to the sharp claws to the whip wound around her body.

"So good of you to be on time, Tony."

He was sure she purred.

She stretched in the most feline way he'd ever seen a woman move, slipped off the counter and took the proffered glass of wine from Dummy. She scratched him and he whirred in appreciation. Slowly, deliberately, she sauntered over to Tony and offered him the glass. He took it and downed it in one gulp. Pepper was a good two inches taller than him tonight which made him uncomfortable. She moved so she was invading his personal space and circled round him, eyeing him up and down like he was a mouse she had just caught.

"Potts! What do you... Where did you... Catwoman? She's _not_ a literary figure!"

"Hmmm. Semantics." She said, dismissing his outburst. She continued her inspection and returned to his front. She lifted the same finger that had been used to spear the grape, and put it under Tony's chin, forcing it up and to the side. "You shaved. Very good. I'm impressed. Now, Happy is waiting for us outside. Be sure to grab your gloves from the counter. And," she continued in a whisper, leaning forward so her mouth was right by his ear, "if you're a good boy all night, I might just let you scratch me behind the ears at the end of it."

She spun around and walked out. Tony wanted desperately to say something, anything that would let him have the last word, but he couldn't form a single word. He stalked over to the counter and out to the car. Happy was there holding the door open for Pepper. She went to get in but just before she did, she turned, brushed her hand along the side of his face to hold it in place, and kissed him firmly on the cheek leaving behind a perfectly formed set of red lips.

Tony swallowed hard, so hard his ears popped. He was sure it was his brain exploding.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N The Catwoman I envisioned was the Michelle Pfeiffer one. She rocked.

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The annual 'Literature for Life' fundraiser was incredibly popular among wealthy socialites. An auction of rare and collectable books ensured a good turn out, so too did the fancy dress ball. Tony usually loved swanning about as some notorious lothario, picking up a trinket for his library and his bed. He'd resolved that this year was going to be different the moment the invitation had arrived – there'd been only one piece of literature he'd intended to take home – but he hadn't counted upon a hostile takeover of his plans.

The ride there had been agony. Pepper had spent the whole time perched tantalisingly on the seat, looking out the window, tapping her claws on the arm rest. He hadn't known what to do: where to look, how to position himself, what to say. He'd toyed with his waistcoat, moved about constantly and remained mute; a swathe of emotions had coursed through him and clouded his features.

When they arrived, Pepper slipped out of the car and disappeared into the party, leaving Tony alone. It didn't take long for Tony to become aware that he was not being accosted like normal. A few business associates he had exchanged pleasantries with on arrival had chuckled at the irony of his guise and sworn they wouldn't have recognised him had he not spoken to them.

Anonymity had its perks, and Tony was quick to exploit them. Free from sycophants vying for his attention and money, he was at liberty to wander around the ballroom searching for Pepper. He found her doing the usual rounds, networking with practised ease. He watched her mingle with groups and individuals, entertaining and amusing them, but never him. She allowed him to view from a distance, and often met his gaze, but that was all.

Tony was brooding. He was brooding _and_ silent. He knew he was standing in a room behaving in a manner he'd sworn he wouldn't, and it was infuriating. He looked at his watch and saw that they had been there for little over an hour, though it felt longer. He was ready to call Happy to have the car brought round, go home and regain a modicum of dignity, but before he could do anything, a small commotion near the entrance caught his attention. He finally saw relief coming his way in the shape of Rhodey.

A very bare-chested Rhodey.

A loin cloth wearing, almost naked Rhodey, barrelling towards him.

"Tarzan?" Tony guessed.

"Mowgli, '_Jungle Book_'."

"Huh." Humour crept into Tony's face for the first time since leaving the house. He could see that Rhodey was even more uncomfortable than he, and was trying desperately to look manly in his skimpy excuse for a costume. "I heard they were making cuts to the uniform budget this year, I just didn't realise how hard up you guys were. Let me know if you need a grant. Nice legs, man."

"Do not mock me Tony. This is _your_ fault!"

"How is you turning up in a tea towel, making me look like less of a fool – which I thank you for by the way – _my_ fault?"

"You think I chose this? I lost a bet with Pepper! I was all set to come as Sir Lancelot, y'know, shiny suit and sword, ready to save a damsel in distress."

"A knight? Really? Isn't that a bit...?"

"You are _not_ the only one who can prance about in a tin suit. And the point is damsels Tony, damsels..." Rhodey cast his eyes around the room, noting the number of women dressed in medieval garb who would have been ripe for the picking, and shook his head. "I was sure you would manage to get out of wearing that. You have no balls, man."

"Pepper bet you that she could make me come dressed like this? You _knew_ that I was coming as a stuffed cummerbund?"

"She didn't tell me exactly who you were coming as, just gave me a general idea. Jokingly, I bet her that she couldn't get you to do it, but she took me seriously. We bet that if she did, I would wear whatever she chose. A box arrived for me this evening just as I was about to get ready with a note from her saying 'You lose'... No! Balls!" He finished, poking Tony in the chest for emphasis.

"Oh, she's good, really good. She's duped us both." He admired.

"More like castrated in your case. Where is she anyway? I want to thank her for humiliating me and ensuring that I don't get a chance to pick up. I mean, how can I be chivalrous and charming when everything is out there for the world to see?"

"I wouldn't worry too much 'bout that Platypus. It's too cold in here for you to have anything much to show off."

"I swear to God, Tony, you make this any harder for me and I'll make sure you _both_ suffer!"

"You haven't seen her yet? Wait, what was going to happen if she lost?"

"I wanted her to clear a full weekend so you and me could go out on the town. It's been ages since we've..."

"Hello boys." Pepper drawled as she sauntered in front of them, running her claws lightly across Rhodey's bare chest before stopping beside him. Goosebumps pebbled his skin and his eyes went wide.

"Pepper?" Rhodey choked and instinctively covered his crotch with his hands, as much for modesty as protection.

"James. You look cold. Are you cold? I have something that will fix that." She said, without waiting for a reply, not that one was coming.

Pepper disappeared for a moment and when she came back she had a pretty little thing in a Red Riding Hood outfit by the hand. She guided the woman right up and into Rhodey's body, draping the hand she had held across his shoulder.

"This is for you. She should keep you warm. Red, this is Mowgli, he'll protect you from any wolves you might come across." Without hesitating, she pushed them both back into the crowd, the satisfied grin on his face assuring her that any resentment he'd felt towards her was gone.

"Thanks Potts. You've just ensured that the one person I was able to talk to tonight has disappeared."

"You have been such a good boy so far – your brooding silence has been almost reward worthy – I'd hate to see you step out of character just yet. Besides, there are plenty of people to talk to Tony. In fact, I see one coming right now that I'm sure will provide some entertainment."

The edge to her voice made him follow her line of sight. A woman in a busty period dress was making a bee-line for him. He realised who it was and his back straightened and jaw clenched.

"Tony Stark. I had to work hard to find you."

"Christine Everhart." His voice was cool. He looked her up and down taking in the provocative red velvet and tight bodice; they were designed to bewitch, but had the opposite effect on her target. "Interesting dress. Who have you come as?"

"'_Vanity Fair'_." Pepper supplied.

They both looked at her. Tony noticed the whip that had been around her body was now in her hand, flicking from side to side. Christine hadn't realised it was Pepper till that moment and was dumbstruck.

"Thackeray's '_Vanity Fair'_." She clarified and reached out with the butt of the whip and unceremoniously used it to shut Christine's gaping mouth. "Becky Sharp."

"Yes. Seemed appropriate." She hissed, batting the whip away and rearing back slightly.

"Oh, indeed it is. Now, when I read _Vanity Fair_," Pepper purred, creeping closer, silencing the smouldering reporter, "I found Becky intensely self absorbed, shallow and irritating. One night she irritated me so much that I slammed the book shut, threw it across the room at the wall, and it landed in the trash. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get a drink before I repeat that night's performance."

Pepper slinked back leaving a stunned Christine gawking at Tony.

"Tony!" She spat. "I hope you've had her spayed. Now can I get a quote from you about your recent take over? Or developments in the Middle East? Or perhaps just tonight?"

Suddenly, a thick leather cord hooked round his neck. He turned his head to see Pepper grinning at him, and she tugged ever so slightly.

"Sorry Christine," he said, his gaze not leaving Pepper's, "but you'll have to go without. I'm afraid the cat has got my tongue."

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Hope you liked.

Reviews make me write faster!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Humour is the hardest thing to write. It's exhausting and so hit and miss (more the former than the latter I'm afraid). It's no wonder comedy shows are written in teams.

One chapter left! I'm not sure I got this one quite right – I felt that it needed to change down a gear as 'tis heading towards the resolution – so comments/ suggestions/ critique is welcomed with open arms.

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Pepper led them through the ballroom. Tony knew better than to ask what she had in mind, at that moment he wasn't completely sure she wouldn't hang him from the rafters if he stepped out of line. Eventually she stopped, abruptly, and Tony walked into her back. Maintaining the intimacy, she turned around and unhooked him. She leant forward, putting herself within enticing reach, but before he could do anything, she veered to one side. He could feel the edge of her mask scrape across his clean shaven chin, and coupled with the feel of her breath on his ear, he was paralysed.

"Just don't bring back a saucer of milk."

As she retreated he saw one of the shoulders of her suit was covered in condensation. He realised he was breathing heavily. He needed to settle his nerves just as much as he needed to placate Pepper, so headed straight for the bar.

"One scotch. One vodka Martini, extra dry, extra olives." He gave his order to the bartender, who nodded and when he turned to get the drinks, Tony saw clearly defined red lip marks on his cheek. Before he had time to properly process the information, a body crashed into the bar beside him and he was slapped firmly on the back.

"Tony man, I need you to spot me!"

"Spot you? Oh, right, nowhere to keep the cash. Sure thing. Will a hundred do?"

"No you daft crumpet. I need you to spot me, _while I take on Zorro!"_ Rhodey raised his voice enough so that the small crowd gathered around them could hear. They let out a small cheer. "He's been sniffing round _my Hood_." He added, turning around to face them front on, more cheers ensuing.

"You drunk?"

"Nope. Just protecting my assets."

Rhodey looked over to Little Red Riding Hood and smiled at her. She coquettishly curled one of her ringlets around a finger and smiled back.

"OK, maybe a little." He dropped his voice for Tony, then added so everyone could hear again. "But _that fox_ over there needs to know that he can't strut round this jungle unnoticed."

"Sword fight?"

"In these clothes? Besides, I'm king of the jungle. We're climbing! Apparently there's something round here that we can scale. If not I'm sure we'll just wrestle."

Rhodey. That outfit. Dangling above all. Squirming on the ground. Tony winced. Rhodey continued making eyes at Little Red Riding Hood.

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't particularly feel like watching your assets. I'm sure Red wouldn't mind though."

Tony picked up the two drinks that had just been put down. He drank his immediately and then stared out to where he'd been with Pepper. She was gone.

"What's that?" Rhodey asked, eyeing the martini.

"Catnip."

"Planning to let Pepper scent mark you? Though by the looks of you tonight, I'd say she already has. Now if you'll excuse me," he said loud enough so he was also addressing his cheer squad, "I've got some ass to kick!" His words were followed by another round of whooping and cheering.

"You forgot 'Who's the man'" Tony prompted.

"Yeah! WHO'S THE MAN?" Rhodey shouted at the crowd.

"You're the man" Tony encouraged.

"Yes. I! AM! THE! MAN!"

"Now hit your chest with your fists and grunt."

Rhodey did just that. The crowd went wild, starting a chant of 'Mowgli, Mowgli', and Little Red Riding Hood came up and draped herself over him.

"Go get 'em Jungle Boy."

Tony watched as Rhodey and his posse strutted off and disappeared into the masses. Drink in hand, he started his search for Pepper. He checked the dance floor, relieved he didn't see her pressed up against someone, then circled the hall. He was about to give up when he spied her by the auction.

"You planning on buying something Pep?"

"No. You are."

She took the Martini from him and swapped it for the auction catalogue. A page had been earmarked and one thing was circled. He should have seen it coming. She had played him from start to finish and this was the final movement. He was going to look like a fool. Tony had to choke back his outrage.

"Are you kidding me? I'm not buying that!"

"Yes you are. It's a first edition and a _very_ good investment."

"It's embarrassing is what it is."

"As embarrassing as the pop-up '_Kama Sutra_' you bought last year? Or the time you came back from Brazil with a _very_..."

"How much?" He cut her off. "I'm not going to go overboard."

"Whatever you need to pay in order to get it."

Pepper downed her drink. She lifted the cocktail stick and slowly sucked each olive off. Tony's breathing became laboured again, though he wasn't certain whether it was from mounting desire or fury. Her red lips curled into an intoxicatingly wicked grin and he was torn between wanting to storm away in a huff, and wanting to wipe all that lipstick off with his mouth.

"You planned this whole thing!"

"No. I just happened to see a few opportunities and pounced on them. Now, it's the next lot up." She slipped a buyers number into his hand and withdrew into the crowd.

He had a few minutes to contemplate his options before the bidding started. Pepper would be undeniably annoyed if he didn't buy it, and more than likely hell to work with for several weeks. On the other hand, if he did buy it, he would be admitting that she'd got the better of him.

Bidding began. There were three other interested parties who made sure the price kept rising. Tony wrestled with his decision and refused to bid straight away. The bidding began to slow. A loud crack which Tony was sure was a whip, not the fireworks that had just started, made him jump and roused him from his thoughts. He thrust his number into the air, reigniting the bidding.

It was taking much longer than he'd anticipated. His three competitors were not dissuaded by the numbers being announced. The people around Tony were beginning to recognise him and the hum of whispered conversation was punctuated with the tinkle of laughter. In a desperate attempt to put an end to everything, Tony yelled out a figure twice the amount of the last.

"Are you certain Mr..." the auctioneer called out, squinting to see who it was, "Mr Stark?"

"Yes. Now will you bang that damn hammer of yours."

"Going once. Going twice. Sold! And for a record amount." There was applause. "Mr Stark, would you be so kind as to come up and accept the lot in person, along with our sincerest thanks."

Tony made his way to the stage. Good natured chuckles from the crowd swelled when they saw how he was dressed as he collected the item. He shook the president of the foundation's hand and smiled for the cameras. It wasn't so bad he thought, until he saw the faces of the other three bidders as he descended back into the crowd.

Three happy faces.

Three happy faces with perfectly formed red lip marks on their cheeks.

Tony lost his footing. That time he really did hear a crack: the crack of bone colliding with floor.

When he opened his eyes, Pepper was standing over him.

"Now, _that_, Mr Stark, was embarrassing!"

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Review, review, review!


	4. Chapter 4

Last chapter people! I swear the more I proof read it the less I enjoy it. So please enjoy it for me! If you have, let me know!

Oh, and a big thanks to the Computer Tech guy who, after a fortnight of waiting for the part, was finally able to fix my broken 'p' key today. I could write 'Pepper' without wanting to hurt someone...

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When Tony didn't get up, Pepper began to get anxious. When he shut his eyes again, she called out for someone to get Rhodey and Happy. In truth, the reason Tony wasn't getting up and had shut his eyes was because he wanted to stick his head in the sand and hide his bruised ego. That and the fact that Pepper had knelt down next to him and started stroking his head. Her hand running through his hair sent shivers down his spine, especially when the claws ever so lightly scraped his scalp.

"Tony. Please Tony. Open your eyes."

He obliged and the look of concern and anguish on her face was overwhelming. He reached out his one free gloved hand and grabbed hers. He gave it a squeeze and saw her features immediately relax. She leant closer to check if his pupils were responding.

"Tony, can you say something?"

"Ahhhh..." He tried to lift his head but she stopped him.

"Don't move yet Tony. Just lay down for a minute." Her tone was firm yet caring. He let his eyes slip shut and focused on the waves of pleasure that spread throughout his body with each stroke of her hand.

Tony was fine, he knew he was. He'd have a bump on his head and would need a couple of pain killers, but that was all. Of course, he wasn't about to let Pepper know this titbit immediately. No, he wanted to milk this turn of events for all it was worth. She'd lost the upper hand; he was injured because of her. He needed a plan. Then it hit him. If he had just suffered a head trauma he couldn't be completely responsible for his actions. He could easily close the distance between them and kiss her. If it went badly he could blame the injury; if it went well though...

With his plan set, he let go of the parcel he still held in his other hand and brought it up. Up to the face he felt looming over his. His hand slipped around the neck and brought it quickly down. Lips crashed on lips. There were sharp intakes of breath through noses. The hand that had been in his tightened its grip and the one on his head grasped a fistful of hair.

Then a hand came firmly down on his chest, an another by the side of his head. The one on his chest gave and almighty shove and suddenly there was distance.

And the faint taste of beer.

And realisation.

"Tony!" Pepper gasped, horror and hilarity vying for pole position.

"What the...? You better not be too hurt, 'cos I'm going to kill you!" Rhodey exploded, spitting furiously and wiping his mouth.

Tony opened his eyes and saw the face of his best friend above him. Pepper had moved away to let him check Tony over. Tony knew he had about two seconds before he received another hit to the head, this time courtesy of Rhodey's fist.

"Watch out for banana puddles Grandma... This tutu will look good on the space cowboy... Tuberculosis..." Tony trailed off and shut his eyes, feigning passing out. He'd rambled the first lot of nonsense that came into his head in the vain hope that his actions would be attributed to his injury. It seemed to work. Before he knew it he'd been bundled into his car and was home.

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Slip. Slip. Slip.

Tony walked through the office door, absorbed in his book, and perched himself on the corner of her desk. Without taking his eyes off the page he toed the bottom drawer open, bent down and rummaged.

"Tony," Pepper sighed looking at his slippered feet and noting the grease marks on the shoes, "do you have any idea how expensive those were?"

"What? They're slippers. They're the perfect footwear for an invalid."

Pepper knew better than to argue with him when he was playing the injury card. She stopped what she was doing and watched: he'd pulled out her tattered copy of '_Pride and Prejudice_' and was thumbing through the pages. His leather-bound volume was resting open on his leg. His greased stained leg.

"Tony! That's a first edition! Would you please show a little more respect." She grabbed the book and put it on the desk.

"You know why I don't like first editions Pep?"

"Please, enlighten me." She dead-panned, knowing if she showed any interest he wouldn't leave her alone for the rest of the day.

"They don't have any explanatory notes. Yours on the other hand, well, it's got ones in the back, and your words of wisdom scribbled in the margins. Are you sure you don't want to swap?"

"For the last time, no. Where are you up to?"

"Darcy's been acting like a pompous ass and has just made a hash of getting the girl."

She whisked her copy from his hands and expertly opened it to the exact place he'd been searching for, then handed it back.

"So... does he get her in the end?"

"If I told you that, you wouldn't bother finishing it. And you'd never learn a thing." Pepper grinned.

"What could a book like _this_ possibly teach _me_? I am a genius after all."

"A genius _and_ a pompous ass who sometimes makes a hash of things."

Pepper looked at him pointedly. There was silence. It wasn't awkward, more a pause for contemplation. It was interrupted by Jarvis.

"_Miss Potts. Colonel Rhodes is on the phone for you. Would you care to take the call?_"

"Yes she would, and pipe it in over the speakers please Jarvis." Tony responded, ignoring any reply Pepper may have made.

"Pepper?"

"Platypus!"

"Pepper, could you please remind Tony that I'm _not _talking to him until he apologises properly!"

"C'mon Rhodey, don't bring Pep into our tiff. I take it you didn't like my apology today?"

Pepper got up and went to the filing cabinet to busy herself and avoid looking at Tony's face, and the wicked smirk plastered on it. She didn't want to add to Rhodey's anger by laughing.

"You are perverse! I swear that if you weren't as rich as you are, you'd've been locked up in a secure mental ward by now! Pepper..."

"_Sir_," Jarvis cut in, "_there_ _is a delivery waiting for you at the gate._"

"What is it?"

"_It seems to be the charred stems of a dozen roses and an empty heart-shaped box of chocolates, containing a small incendiary device._"

"Empty you say. Send it to the workshop. So," Tony turned his attention back to Rhodey, "you _did_ like the chocolates!"

"Not. Talking. To. YOU! Pepper?"

"Yes, James?"

"Can you get your whip out and put him back in his place?" Pepper snorted. "Anyway, Pepper, just wanted to let you know the meeting on Friday needs to be rescheduled."

"Not a problem. I'll call you later to discuss times." She hoped the slight strain in the pitch of her voice didn't betray her amusement.

"Talk soon."

"Bye bye Buttercup!" Tony chimed before there was an annoyed grunt and a click.

Pepper was standing over an open drawer, her shoulders shuddering under the weight of her repressed laughter. Tony took a moment to watch her. He didn't often get a chance to see Pepper truly amused; irritated, exasperated and exhausted, yes, amused, no. He noticed how her whole body seemed to delight in the event, from the slight shake of her knees to her swinging ponytail. Then he saw something he didn't like, not one bit. A sprinkling of red bumps behind her ears.

"Pepper! What are they?" He asked coming up behind her in two short strides and pushing loose strands of hair aside to have a closer look.

"What? Oh my ears?" She turned around to look at him, her mirth still evident. "It's nothing really. Sensitive skin. Just a reaction to wearing that mask."

"So when you said if I was a good boy you'd let me scratch you behind the ears..."

"I really meant it."

Pepper's smile was all the encouragement he needed. Tony raised a hand and lightly rubbed behind her ear. The roughness of his calloused fingers provided instant relief and Pepper leaned ever so slightly into his palm, turning his action into something akin to a caress. The look of pure pleasure on Pepper's face was tempting him closer.

"I still maintain that dressing as Catwoman was cheating." Tony goaded, edging towards her.

"Comics and graphic novels are a perfectly legitimate, and increasingly popular form of literature, _sir_. I'm sorry you didn't like my choice of costumes. I guess I'll just have to rethink going to the next one."

"Next one? What next one?" Tony was suddenly distracted. Pepper was volunteering to go to another event with him, another event where she might... and he might...

"The Historic Film Preservation and Conservation Fund is having a ball next month. You received the invitation today. It's on my desk."

Tony was at her desk like a shot. The card was on the keyboard of her laptop with instructions to '_dress as your favourite film character_'. Tony's eyes were drawn away from the card to the window open on the screen. He sat down to get a better look. It was a website for film based fantasy costumes. The costume on display was Princess Leia's metal slave bikini. His jaw dropped and his breathing slowed as he envisioned Pepper in it. There was nothing Tony wouldn't do to ensure she was hanging off his arm wearing it.

"Pepper, your choice of costumes was perfect. In fact, I'd love for you to choose both our costumes again for the next one, if you promise to come." There was a level of expectancy in his voice that Pepper didn't often hear.

"If that's the case Mr Stark, I'd be happy to accept the invitation to accompany you. Do you like it?" She said in a conspiratorial whisper, having come up right behind him.

"It's... um... yeah. You're going to turn heads!" He was grinning like mad, and as excited as a puppy.

Pepper ran her fingers through his hair and over his scalp, checking his bump. It had all but gone and Tony let out a little moan of appreciation at her actions. She continued for a while longer, leaning down to his ear. Her breath on his skin mixed with the other sensation put Tony in a slight trance. He was enjoying it so much that it wasn't until she'd stopped and left the room that he registered her departing words.

"Who said _I_ would be the one turning heads Tony?"

-Fin-

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Did I manage to make you laugh/ cry/ go all gooey inside/ storm about in a huff/ roll your eyes? In a word: review!


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